Evening News 23/2/2006
FOREIGN – NIGGERIANS RIOT OVER PROFESSOR MOHAHAHAHAMAD
In Niggeria, few millions were killed over the issue of the hentai drawing of Professor Mohahahamad. This time it was Chrisdians running wild against the Izlams.
The riot broke out last morning with the Chrisdians running all over Southern Niggeria where the majority of the Chrisdians reside chasing the Izlams with ABC Corps’ new X332 Uzi and KILLU58434 Bazooka.
One of our reporters managed to get one of the Chrisdians and asked for the reason of the rampage.
“They killed our gay partners in the North!” the boy said angrily, “just how are we going to challenge the Veron Tay and gay gang in the next Crazy Horse Awards?”
Thousands of Muzlims had already made shelter in the police stations. A curfew was set down by the Poolis and many of the Chrisdian mothers took their sons home and beat their backside with a cane.
It was a horrible sight. Our reporters heard desperate pleas for help as the dead on the floor had their genitals cut off, obviously to vent their anger in not being to participate in full strength for the Crazy Horse Awards.
Elsewhere in the homes our reporter heard the Chrisdian parents beating up their children for the massacring the Muzlims. One translated cry was such: You want to beat me until when? I’m already fifteen years old! Apparently his father had punched and abused him to lead to him crying
It was last Saturday when the Chrisdians were killed by the Muzlims up in the North for the hentai drawings.
SPORTS – JUICY MOURNINGHO ANGRY OVER LOSS
Chelski lost 2-1 to Buseslona in an exciting match held at a grassless pitch this morning.
With one own goal from each team, the person who looked the most deserving yet undeserving loss was John Teddy. After stripping at least 3 times to distract the attention of opposition strikers, he accidentally stripped in front of his goalkeeper, causing him to drool and forget about clutching the ball that Teddy passed to him.
The main highlight of the match was that Buses’ player, Messy, had a little messy play. The messy him was messily brought down by the equally messy Always del Horny and messily eyed where the messy referee was before messily fell onto the messy field and messily acted as if he was messily injured. Horny was then shown the red card for wad seemed to be a yellow card foul and nice acting from Messy.
Editor’s Note: If you can’t understand this part then just remove all the mess except Messy the player, then try reading again. Do not worry about this for future issues as I have just sacked the messy reporter.
"I'm not going to say anything about it (Messy) as I will get into trouble.
"It's a very cultural city Barcelona, you know all about theatre and you have theatre of very high quality in Barcelona," said an angry Mourningho after the match.
AISA ABC NEWSTONIGHT’S WEAPON SHINE IN ASIAN WEAPONWARE
From track shoes to teleporters, from bow and arrows to bazooka, from anti-punch bras to anti-bullet underwear. ABC Newstonight is certainly short of nothing.
At the first day of Asia Weaponware held yesterday, ABC Newstonight sold more than 90% of the total merchandise and have made at least US$1,343,657,865,765,454,127,645,765,865,453,765,432,235,435,234.87 from sales figures.
Weapon Minister Worms2 said, ‘without ABC Newstonight and their Editor, we all would have been dead by now. Their ingenious weapons like the sex bomb and the HIV grenade have certainly scared off many of those who pose a threat to us.’
‘How did you think Singapour could have won Irak yesterday by a score of 2-0? The power of ABC’s weaponry is so unimaginary that the Editor told me that he himself bet $50 on Singapour to lose the match following the threat e-mail. Hohohohoho!’
LOCAL – TAMMI THREATENS SUICIDE
Following the sex scandal, the female lead, TemptMe, of the video threatened suicide. That is, if she was not to be nominated in the next Crazy Horse Awards.
When told that CHA was only for gays such as Emo Neo and OT Khoo, TemptMe was very angry. She was later seen on the roof of her HDB flat threatening to jump down in an attempt to threaten the organizers of CHA to change the rules. The Poolis arrived soon as they have tracked her down because of her possibly having an unsound mindset.
After about 8 hours of negotiation to no avail, TemptMe suddenly took out her handphone and started stripping in front of it. The Poolis immediately seized the chance (Editor’s Note: SEIZED THE CHANCE) to grab TemptMe and pin her down.
TemptMe had to be taken back for interrogation forcefully. Whether she would be doing the same squatting action in the video that featured last year in a Melaysian Poolis station is a question that interests all.
In Niggeria, few millions were killed over the issue of the hentai drawing of Professor Mohahahamad. This time it was Chrisdians running wild against the Izlams.
The riot broke out last morning with the Chrisdians running all over Southern Niggeria where the majority of the Chrisdians reside chasing the Izlams with ABC Corps’ new X332 Uzi and KILLU58434 Bazooka.
One of our reporters managed to get one of the Chrisdians and asked for the reason of the rampage.
“They killed our gay partners in the North!” the boy said angrily, “just how are we going to challenge the Veron Tay and gay gang in the next Crazy Horse Awards?”
Thousands of Muzlims had already made shelter in the police stations. A curfew was set down by the Poolis and many of the Chrisdian mothers took their sons home and beat their backside with a cane.
It was a horrible sight. Our reporters heard desperate pleas for help as the dead on the floor had their genitals cut off, obviously to vent their anger in not being to participate in full strength for the Crazy Horse Awards.
Elsewhere in the homes our reporter heard the Chrisdian parents beating up their children for the massacring the Muzlims. One translated cry was such: You want to beat me until when? I’m already fifteen years old! Apparently his father had punched and abused him to lead to him crying
It was last Saturday when the Chrisdians were killed by the Muzlims up in the North for the hentai drawings.
SPORTS – JUICY MOURNINGHO ANGRY OVER LOSS
Chelski lost 2-1 to Buseslona in an exciting match held at a grassless pitch this morning.
With one own goal from each team, the person who looked the most deserving yet undeserving loss was John Teddy. After stripping at least 3 times to distract the attention of opposition strikers, he accidentally stripped in front of his goalkeeper, causing him to drool and forget about clutching the ball that Teddy passed to him.
The main highlight of the match was that Buses’ player, Messy, had a little messy play. The messy him was messily brought down by the equally messy Always del Horny and messily eyed where the messy referee was before messily fell onto the messy field and messily acted as if he was messily injured. Horny was then shown the red card for wad seemed to be a yellow card foul and nice acting from Messy.
Editor’s Note: If you can’t understand this part then just remove all the mess except Messy the player, then try reading again. Do not worry about this for future issues as I have just sacked the messy reporter.
"I'm not going to say anything about it (Messy) as I will get into trouble.
"It's a very cultural city Barcelona, you know all about theatre and you have theatre of very high quality in Barcelona," said an angry Mourningho after the match.
AISA ABC NEWSTONIGHT’S WEAPON SHINE IN ASIAN WEAPONWARE
From track shoes to teleporters, from bow and arrows to bazooka, from anti-punch bras to anti-bullet underwear. ABC Newstonight is certainly short of nothing.
At the first day of Asia Weaponware held yesterday, ABC Newstonight sold more than 90% of the total merchandise and have made at least US$1,343,657,865,765,454,127,645,765,865,453,765,432,235,435,234.87 from sales figures.
Weapon Minister Worms2 said, ‘without ABC Newstonight and their Editor, we all would have been dead by now. Their ingenious weapons like the sex bomb and the HIV grenade have certainly scared off many of those who pose a threat to us.’
‘How did you think Singapour could have won Irak yesterday by a score of 2-0? The power of ABC’s weaponry is so unimaginary that the Editor told me that he himself bet $50 on Singapour to lose the match following the threat e-mail. Hohohohoho!’
LOCAL – TAMMI THREATENS SUICIDE
Following the sex scandal, the female lead, TemptMe, of the video threatened suicide. That is, if she was not to be nominated in the next Crazy Horse Awards.
When told that CHA was only for gays such as Emo Neo and OT Khoo, TemptMe was very angry. She was later seen on the roof of her HDB flat threatening to jump down in an attempt to threaten the organizers of CHA to change the rules. The Poolis arrived soon as they have tracked her down because of her possibly having an unsound mindset.
After about 8 hours of negotiation to no avail, TemptMe suddenly took out her handphone and started stripping in front of it. The Poolis immediately seized the chance (Editor’s Note: SEIZED THE CHANCE) to grab TemptMe and pin her down.
TemptMe had to be taken back for interrogation forcefully. Whether she would be doing the same squatting action in the video that featured last year in a Melaysian Poolis station is a question that interests all.
Reported by ABC news at 12:30 AM
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