WE HAVE MOVED

newstonight.blogspot.com have moved cos the Editor owes loanshark money, therefore we have moved to newstonight2.blogspot.com to escape pig heads!

Editor Tan Caught In Sex Scandal. Reported by Sexy Gal

Editor Tan from newtonight.blogspot.com was caught in a sex scandal yesterday. The news arrived as a shocking news to his boss at Ambushed, the pasta bar, as well as the Editor himself.

The witness, suspected to be a man in his late twenties, called up Stan Ng whom unfortunately did not pick up the call but read the voice message. The message claimed that Editor was rubbing his private parts in the toilet and offering sexual services to the toilet patrons.

Stan Ng received the voice mail last evening, which in the same afternoon a man with the same description above had came to the pasta bar, requesting for the boss' name card.

Download the exclusive clip here. You'll need Quicktime to be able to hear, otherwise a AMR player.

http://www.filefactory.com/get/f.php?f=8fffaea56947903240c7bdc9

"I would like to make a complain har, Ambushed pasta located at Takashhhiiiimaya basement arh, one of the service staff, ....... a server, is rubbing his private parts in the toilet, and asking for sex service to ................. I just let you all know. He is fat and wearing a spec. ....................................................................................."

Legend: ........ - cannot make out what he is saying.

The Editor now is in the prison and will not be back until the case is closed.

Half Naked Girl

The other day while I was working, I noticed this pretty female customer wearing a tube top sitting behind some of our kitchen equipments. Her tube was covered by the kitchen equipments, so the view from the kitchen could only reveal the bare shoulders but not the tube. Looks something like this:



So I told my boss: eh boss, naked girl!

Silence..........................................

5 minutes later, her food was served, and she moved a seat away.

And looks something like this:

My boss told me: Darren see, a half-naked girl.

MARCH 2, 2006 EVENING NEWS

WHITE HOME CATCHES FIRE reported by Editor Tan

White Home caught fire this morning at about 3am while everyone was still asleep, killing more than 30 and injuring more than 50.

It appeared that ‘Death’ from Initial Destination 3(not Initial D) had come back for Georgy Bush after he escaped from a roller coaster death that evening.

Female lead in Bill Please’s sexual scandal few years back, London Hilton, was making her way to White Home supposedly to see Georgy Bush. Upon reaching White Home she noticed the widespread fire and immediately called the police.

According to Hilton, she ran into White Home and made love with Georgy Bush and made their way out before the fire overwhelmed them.

A black box caught a video of the two lovers in action. In this 10 minute long clip, Bush continually shouted: I’m hot! I’m hot!

Bush was badly injured as he was exceptionally weak against fire. The Amerikan president suffered more than 10000 badly burnt leaves and more than 100 broken twigs.

Firemen arrived in about an hour or so and went straight into action. However, upon releasing the liquid in their tank had they found out the vehicle was ABC news corp’s mobile petrol tank. The former quickly made their way back to the station and changed the vehicle.

White Home suffered severe damage. It is currently under repairs and renamed Black Home.

Evening News 27/2/2006

TURKEYS CONTACT WITH BIRD FLU

The president of Federation of Chicky Kingdom (FCK) announced that Turkey is under hit of the destructive Bird Flu yesterday.

However, it is still unclear whether the Turkey referred to the bird Turkey, the country Turkey, or Turkeys in Turkey has contacted bird flu. All are advised that bird species are unsafe to eat.

The president of FCK also mentioned that, “for all who are desperate to eat aviary, they are advised to eat only penguins and UFOs”.

QUIZ

And the answer to the last quiz is here! What did iPOKE Quek say to the doctor?

“Doctor, I’m sick of my work.”

Next question:

Which part of your body do you use to drive?

This week’s prize – a packet of wet tissues worth Ed$100000.

Please submit your answers to jiayong05@gmail.com, accompanied by your address, e-mail and NIRC. Results will be announced as and when the Editor feels like it. No complains are allowed to be made.

KILLER ARRESTED

Runaway killer, namely Cockeye Long, was arrested this morning in his hotel room in Maleysia yesterday.

The Maleysian Poolis and Singapour Poolis have joined forces in order to track this killer down. They broke into his hotel room at around 12am, to find him having sex with 98 years old Singapourian man Pa Jiao Bang.

Cockeye Long was caught surprised and immediately tried to escape. He dropped his penis on the floor which wriggled vigourously on the floor. The Poolis were surprised and watched the penis wriggle.

Long climbed out of the window, jumping down from the 9413th floor in a desperate attempt to escape. He landed safely on the 1st floor unscathed and quickly made his way out of the premises.

Apparently, he recalled his penis that he had left behind in the hotel room. Witnesses saw him getting into his car and coming out as soon as he got in.

Fortunately/unfortunately, the Poolis were waiting for him back at his room and arrested Cockeye Long.

Evening News 23/2/2006

FOREIGN – NIGGERIANS RIOT OVER PROFESSOR MOHAHAHAHAMAD

In Niggeria, few millions were killed over the issue of the hentai drawing of Professor Mohahahamad. This time it was Chrisdians running wild against the Izlams.

The riot broke out last morning with the Chrisdians running all over Southern Niggeria where the majority of the Chrisdians reside chasing the Izlams with ABC Corps’ new X332 Uzi and KILLU58434 Bazooka.

One of our reporters managed to get one of the Chrisdians and asked for the reason of the rampage.

“They killed our gay partners in the North!” the boy said angrily, “just how are we going to challenge the Veron Tay and gay gang in the next Crazy Horse Awards?”

Thousands of Muzlims had already made shelter in the police stations. A curfew was set down by the Poolis and many of the Chrisdian mothers took their sons home and beat their backside with a cane.

It was a horrible sight. Our reporters heard desperate pleas for help as the dead on the floor had their genitals cut off, obviously to vent their anger in not being to participate in full strength for the Crazy Horse Awards.

Elsewhere in the homes our reporter heard the Chrisdian parents beating up their children for the massacring the Muzlims. One translated cry was such: You want to beat me until when? I’m already fifteen years old! Apparently his father had punched and abused him to lead to him crying

It was last Saturday when the Chrisdians were killed by the Muzlims up in the North for the hentai drawings.

SPORTS – JUICY MOURNINGHO ANGRY OVER LOSS

Chelski lost 2-1 to Buseslona in an exciting match held at a grassless pitch this morning.

With one own goal from each team, the person who looked the most deserving yet undeserving loss was John Teddy. After stripping at least 3 times to distract the attention of opposition strikers, he accidentally stripped in front of his goalkeeper, causing him to drool and forget about clutching the ball that Teddy passed to him.

The main highlight of the match was that Buses’ player, Messy, had a little messy play. The messy him was messily brought down by the equally messy Always del Horny and messily eyed where the messy referee was before messily fell onto the messy field and messily acted as if he was messily injured. Horny was then shown the red card for wad seemed to be a yellow card foul and nice acting from Messy.

Editor’s Note: If you can’t understand this part then just remove all the mess except Messy the player, then try reading again. Do not worry about this for future issues as I have just sacked the messy reporter.
"I'm not going to say anything about it (Messy) as I will get into trouble.
"It's a very cultural city Barcelona, you know all about theatre and you have theatre of very high quality in Barcelona," said an angry Mourningho after the match.
AISA ABC NEWSTONIGHT’S WEAPON SHINE IN ASIAN WEAPONWARE

From track shoes to teleporters, from bow and arrows to bazooka, from anti-punch bras to anti-bullet underwear. ABC Newstonight is certainly short of nothing.

At the first day of Asia Weaponware held yesterday, ABC Newstonight sold more than 90% of the total merchandise and have made at least US$1,343,657,865,765,454,127,645,765,865,453,765,432,235,435,234.87 from sales figures.

Weapon Minister Worms2 said, ‘without ABC Newstonight and their Editor, we all would have been dead by now. Their ingenious weapons like the sex bomb and the HIV grenade have certainly scared off many of those who pose a threat to us.’

‘How did you think Singapour could have won Irak yesterday by a score of 2-0? The power of ABC’s weaponry is so unimaginary that the Editor told me that he himself bet $50 on Singapour to lose the match following the threat e-mail. Hohohohoho!’

LOCAL – TAMMI THREATENS SUICIDE

Following the sex scandal, the female lead, TemptMe, of the video threatened suicide. That is, if she was not to be nominated in the next Crazy Horse Awards.

When told that CHA was only for gays such as Emo Neo and OT Khoo, TemptMe was very angry. She was later seen on the roof of her HDB flat threatening to jump down in an attempt to threaten the organizers of CHA to change the rules. The Poolis arrived soon as they have tracked her down because of her possibly having an unsound mindset.

After about 8 hours of negotiation to no avail, TemptMe suddenly took out her handphone and started stripping in front of it. The Poolis immediately seized the chance (Editor’s Note: SEIZED THE CHANCE) to grab TemptMe and pin her down.

TemptMe had to be taken back for interrogation forcefully. Whether she would be doing the same squatting action in the video that featured last year in a Melaysian Poolis station is a question that interests all.

SOCCER MATCH PREVIEW – SINGAPOUR VS IRAK

Our lionesses look set to be thrashed tonight as they prepare for IRAK at the Nation’s Stadium.

The World Cup winners look in good condition in their warm up even as this news is being published. However, a stronger Iraki side awaits them, with a treaty in hand.

The treaty was handed to Singapour’s captain Ong Beck Ham via e-mail. The e-mail read:

ﻬﻪﻨﻫﻮﻺﻧﻫﻬﻮﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻜﻈﻕﻴﻷﻨﻣﻒﻑﻐﻎﻬﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻚﻘﻗﻦﻶﻸﻹﻗﻦﻶﻸﻼﻷﻙﻛ
ﻗﻙﻈﻊﻹﻺﻻﻫﻛﻬﻪﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦ
ﻜﻈﻕﻨﻫﻮﻺﻧ
ﻫﻬﻮﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻞﻬﻺﻪﻬﻪﻨﻫﻮﻺﻧﻫﻬﻮﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻜﻈﻕﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐ
ﻫﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻩﻦﻜﻈﻷﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊ
ﻍﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻐﻫ
ﻩﻦﻜﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻈﻕﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻜﻈﻕﻕﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻼﻷﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻦﻒﻑﻐﻎﻬﻼ
ﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻚﻘﻗﻦﻶﻸﻹﻒﻼﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻷ
ﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻜﻈﻕﻷﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻜﻈﻕﻑﻐﻎﻬﻚﻘﻗﻦﻶﻸﻹﻒﻑﻐ

ﻙﻛﻗﻙﻈﻊﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻜ
ﻍﻐﻫﻩﻦﻜﻈ

Upon translation the email read

TAUSjgHasgAHvuiyhs8f9yrhkjfdgsufeyhwjtnf498hgtkjnvgbfg
adkshgasdhgksxzcgjagsadhsagd
gdahsjvdagw28ue3qhdbjcxzkcu8he3j2rfc8yxhnjkfed9yhjdc8y
hujknr3mfwecsuhjknrm3wdsxoij
lkm3rusjilkmfevdsjk.,

The Poolis expects a threat in the message and have asked the Lionesses to lose this match.

Prediction: Singapour 1 - 3 Irak