Rocksen and Xialan Xue Married?!

Xialan Xue and Rocksen are officially engaged today!

Asked why the sudden marriage, Rocksen said, 'fuck la, you know one la! shotgun! KNNBCCB!'

"Wandy la! The other day we go riding bicycle, end up her riding my horse! I see her take off her clothes my horse sedia long long hard hard! The other day go zoukout, this time really going to zoukout already!"

"Anyway quickly marry also good. Don't want later Xialan Xue body big big then very xia suay."

Many of Rocksen and Xialan Xue's relatives turned up for the registration at the Singapore Ask Permission for Marriage Dept (SAPMP).

We asked Xialan Xue what made her so horny that she had to do it with Rocksen. She claimed that it was because she was wearing skimpy clothes when she went out with Rocksen for a bike ride that day.

“Rocksen said I deserved to be molested because I wanted to attract attention by wearing skimpy clothes. So I grabbed his balls and pulled them. Then I told him he deserved it cos he has balls.”

“Well, in the end, you know…”

What Happened, Mr Durian?

Here are the top 5 questions that out readers would like to ask Mr. TTTTT Durian. If case you don't know, TTTTT stands for TILL THEY TELL THE TRUTH; not THORNY THORNY THORNY THORNY THORNY Durian. For today's exclusive we've invited Mr. TTTTT Durian to answer our reader's questions.

Q1: Why did you do it?
A1: Too horny lo.. cant help it. Sorry, I mean thorny

Q2: Do you feel guilty?
A2: In fact I feel great! My next goal is to become the thorniest Durian in the world!

Q3: Did you really need so much thorns?
A3: No many thorns how to become Thorny Durian?

Q4: Did you start off your thorn collection with good intention?
A4: I'VE ALREADY SAID I WANT TO BECOME THORNY DURIAN!

Q5: Okok. So What to you plan to do now?
A5: Collect more thorns, so that I can win in next year's "THORNIEST DURIAN AWARD"

ABC QUIZ IS HERE!!!

Its the weekly ABC quiz once again! Guess the correct answer and sit to win a Nizzan Zunny! Are you ready?!

This week's question:

What are the three words used to describe a Giao Tor? Words like 'no', 'not', 'nope' are not allowed.

_____ _____ nice.

SMS in your answers to 72999 now!

Singapore beats Brazil 1-0 to win World Cup 2010

Singapore outclassed Brazil to win 1-0 to lift World Cup for the first time in history.

A brilliant goal from Steven Tang in the 13th minuted was enough to seal a victory. The Breziliens were lucky not to have lost by a greater margin after Steven Tang hit the post 10 times and Lim Tongs Hi had 31 penalties saved by Didi.

'I'm very disappointed at how the boys performed tonight,' said Tan Kee Gan, 'we've won Galmany at home 21-0 and Hollend 23-0 and I believe we could have done much more than a 1-0.'

Kee Gan reportedly threw the World Cup at captain Ong Beck Ham in the dressing room. Beck Ham had failed to turn up for the match against Brezil.

According to his team mates he was rowing his boat out late at night with wife Spicy Victory and knocked his head and he couldn't wake up in the morning.

Beck Ham suffered an or bak kak. He has refused to comment on this incident

Garfield admits raping Hello Kitty

Garfield admitted to raping Hello Kitty this afternoon in court after 21 years of trial. He has been sentenced to 22 years of jail and 23 strokes of the cane. Snoopy, who was also involved in the similar case, was sentenced to 12 years of kennel and 13 strokes of the bone.

Hello Kitty met up with Garfield and Snoopy at MacDonalds, Singapore Politechnic branch, 31 Febuary 1984 at around 12.30p.m. After having a drink till about 1.30p.m., Garfield invited both Hello Kitty and Snoopy to his house at Dover Crescent for some Whiskers and Caesers. It was there where Snoopy and Garfield took off Hello Kitty's clothes and Garfield raped her.

Snoopy is now also under additional charges of raping Odie and having sex with a minor (Odie).

Garfield's owner, Jon, broke down upon the sentence and declined to comment after the trial.

Hello Kitty's husband, Hello Daniel, said, 'aiya , you know one la. Sooner or later they're going to throw him out of jail cos they dun have enough food to feed him.'